Things are looking grim

Today, we here at Naction! are pleased to be able to offer you a guest column. This piece comes to us courtesy of an anonymous member. Enjoy.
-Deskie

On a typical day, after wading through the waist deep puddle in the parking lot, narrowly avoiding employee-cast projectiles, declining a towel at the front desk (see post #6 "the phantom pisser"), greeting El Cid and lamenting the dubious disappearance of Ninja man, it's time to hunker down and get ready for a day at the gym. For most people this process would also involve changing out of your street clothes and into gym clothes. Gym clothes for the common members include either way too big basketball shorts & sleeveless tees, way, way too small biking shorts & something else (I never get a chance to see due to temporary blindness induced by the biking shorts), or varying degrees of spandex tights, shirts, and whatever other spandex apparel people have been able to locate. I myself refrain from changing my clothes at the gym as often as possible.

Regardless, there are three places in the gym that I consider appropriate for changing, and none of them are appropriate for changing. The locker room would be the obvious choice. I don't see that as a viable option, due not only to the fact that people shave their balls and pee on towels in there, but also to the fact that it is a place where many old, sweaty, completely naked men congregate. It is my belief that several of them are gym members expressly for the purpose of walking around in the locker room pants-less. (An astute observation, and completely true. More on this disturbing trend later. -Deskie) The reasons behind this behavior elude me, but I have accepted it as a lifestyle choice and moved on. However, this unfortunate situation completely removes the possibility of my changing in the locker room. Ever.

The second location generally accepted as a changing room is the bathroom unfortunately located just inside the day care center. This location has it's pros and cons. It's pros being that it's not as far from the rock wall as the locker room, and there are usually no old naked men. The day care center bathroom is abhorrent to me for a great many reasons, the most notable of which is the fact that it smells like someone went in there to take a dump... and missed. I have not totally abandoned this theory due to the second reason why I don't, or rather can't, change in there. People regularly spend three to four days at a time in the bathroom. What they do in there is a mystery to me (clean up the mess they made when they missed?). Whatever the cause, on the rare occasions that the bathroom is not in use, it smells like someone accidently left a pile of diapers in there over the weekend. So I don't change in there.

The third and final location that I have deemed acceptable to change in is the space behind the rock wall. Naturally this place is also completely inhospitable to the average human life-form. I have not yet been able to spend more than 2 minutes behind the rock wall without developing severe frostbite. As a direct result of this, I am now minus one toe. Of course there is also the matter of privacy behind the rock wall. In the locker room nakedness is obviously acceptable, and in the bathroom, you can lock the door. Behind the wall however, in addition to being naked at near absolute zero, you face the equally chilling possibility of one of the gym's myriad lost-and-found hunters walking in on you while you are, as they say, without pants. Clearly the gym is not a suitable place for one looking to change their clothes.